Burdened

She’s known as a "fighter."

Her dad tells her to fight back.

I say, “Just walk away” and “Love your enemies.”

He’s a suspended student.

His teacher calls him an idiot.

I tell him to respect his authorities, to “bless those who curse you.”

He’s a Mexican.

He and his fellow classmates use racial slurs without restraint.

I say to remember that God loves us all the same, to “do good to those who hate you.”

She’s the teacher’s pet, the tattle-tale.

Her so called “friend” cusses her out, threatening to beat her up.

I say, “Forgive as you’ve been forgiven” and “Pray for those who spitefully use you.”

These are the kids who make me smile, make me laugh, make me cry. These are the kids who need Him most, hear truth least, starve for more. 

As I drive to meet “my” kids, I’m anxious to see their faces and excited to be with them. While entering the empty and quiet room, I whisper a prayer asking for protection, wisdom and the words to say. Driving away at the end of the day, I reflect on what seemed to be utter chaos. I remember the words I should have said. I wonder what I should have done instead. 

I question my ability, my impact, my strength, my resolve.

I imagine myself with a millstone around my neck - falling, drowning, in the sea. And I picture who, without Him, they could soon be. 

The words come to mind...

“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” (Ephesians 6:12, ESV)

It’s not about how good or bad I am at my job, if I can see the difference I’m making, whether or not I feel strong, or how sure I am of my purpose. When I focus on these things (that is, myself), those evil forces start to win. 

“But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” (1 Corinthians 15:57)

It’s about the power of Christ, in me, defeating the enemy. It’s about God doing amazing things through a human, Him using what a simple girl does and says today in a life tomorrow, a weak one saying “I am strong,” and a wanderer becoming more determined in her purpose to know Him.

“Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.” (I Corinthians 15:58)